Ever feel guilty about shouting at your kids? We asked a few dads for their thoughts on the topic
Every parent has their own parenting techniques. Some are better than others, and some are more commonly used than others. However, no parent is the same, and while one parent may choose to raise their child one way, another may disagree with it. With that in mind, we’ve asked some dads for their opinions on some controversial parenting techniques. Today, it’s shouting at your kids vs calmly talking to your kids.
Francis McCaughan, 29, Civil Servant
“Maturity isn’t innate, it grows in time; as parents we need to help cultivate children’s behaviour. Children don’t act like calm, mature, respectful adults – they must be taught how to behave politely and while some situations require a lighter touch and a more diplomatic, reasoned explanation, we shouldn’t divorce ourselves from the option of raising our voice.”
Tony Pitt, 37, Soldier
“I find there’s a time for both. If you need to take very quick control of a situation being loud enough to be heard, but with a tone assertive enough to be dominant and slightly terrifying has its place. Other times – or indeed after you’ve asserted dominance and control – in order to understand a child’s motivations, you need to be passive and quiet and physically get down to their level to encourage them to talk. They may still be processing emotion and unable to articulate themselves, so quiet patience is needed. I also take umbrage with the suggestion that shouting does not equal calm. I can raise my voice and be assertive without coming across as hysterical.”
Michael Ashford, 33, Director of Marketing
“Obviously, no parent wants to shout or raise their voice to their child. But despite that desire, it doesn’t always work out that way. You get frustrated, tensions run over, and the best intentions of staying calm and speaking in a quiet steady voice go out the window. I think the more critical thing parents need to think about is the follow-up. After the anger has subsided, I think it’s important to first apologize for getting angry with them to the point that you shouted, and then speak to your children about why it happened. And discuss with them what both of you can do to not let it happen again.”
Darren Clement, 48, Sound Editor
“I think shouting is generally a bad thing to do at any time of life. I very rarely shouted at my children in anger or frustration, only to be heard above the noise of a noisy party or environment. I think my children copy my behaviour as they see it modeled and if I shout they will think that’s ok. It becomes the “norm” and in a dangerous situation where I may have to shout to protect them from traffic, or water, or fire, they may not respond as they are used to the shouting every day. Normally the louder my children shouted when they were younger the less I would respond and wouldn’t allow the shouting to escalate by joining in.”
