A man faces an onslaught of challenges in his lifetime – fatherhood included
…succeeding in the right career, finding a loving partner, beating Grand Turismo on the hardest setting. But none, of course, comes close to fatherhood. It is without a doubt the rowdiest, most knackering, and stickiest of all noble pursuits.
Children can be so full of energy, optimism and love, but sometimes we must admit, they’re just straight-up weird, dude. How does baby sick achieve that greenish colour? And since when did our toddlers decide to become existential philosophers?
#Dadlife knows all this too well, so we’ve scrolled through, and cherry picked the very best tweets from befuddled dads.
Can you relate? Sound off in #dadlife
1) Is six to young to be bringing boys home?
Umm. My daughter just brought a boy home. They're both 6, she's a full foot taller than him, and he's currently using a toy stethoscope to hear our couch's heartbeat, but I'm still not sure I'm ok with this. #dadlife pic.twitter.com/nV3L5ao8fM
— Bart Scott (@BartAScott) February 8, 2018
2) This is what a real man looks like
Livin that #DadLife pic.twitter.com/6w8DOkJOIa
— Bill Hurt – No, not the famous one in that movie (@RandomNoun7) January 30, 2018
3) Blessed are the peed on fathers
"Before I go to work today, thou shalt pee on me three times…" The Book of Dad, Wednesday 7:13. #dadlife
— Adrian Petriw (@adrianpetriw) February 7, 2018
4) If we could refrain from killing dad, that would be preferable
5yo: I am so sad great grandpa died.
Me: me too
3yo: daddy you better be careful you are next.
5yo: no bubbaloo(my dad) has to die first
3yo: you had better not kill him#dadlife— Keivan (@keivan_ettefagh) February 9, 2018
5) How did you get so clever?
When your kid does something that surprises you with how smart they are #dadlife pic.twitter.com/uHKBgmyEza
— Dads Devotion (@dadsdevo) February 9, 2018
6) Ever get the feeling that sometimes you’re not wanted?
Baby was crying. Lay down beside him. He open his eyes shouted Mama. Punched me in the face. Rolled over and fell back asleep. #dadlife
— Dave (@davebolger) February 8, 2018
7) GOAL!
Sometimes I'll look down at my children and think "How did I get so lucky to get to be your father?"
Other times, I get whacked in the face with a hockey stick.
Parenting is Magical. #Dadlife #Parenting
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) February 8, 2018
8) EAT. YOUR. CEREAL.
Sums up my morning #DadLife pic.twitter.com/kyDY3oMLtp
— Jason Roache (@Jroache1) February 7, 2018
9) For the love of God, please go to sleep
Me snapping after 2 hours getting the kids to bed. #Parenthood #dadlife #Parenting #gotheFtosleep #dad pic.twitter.com/YkM9UXJgx7
— As You Were Joe (@joedeangelus) February 9, 2018
10) Remember sleeping in?
I'm finally conditioned to only need 4 hours over any given 48 hours. Only took 13 years. #dadlife
— Nacho Mama Drama (@Workshop_Joe) February 8, 2018
11) “NOOOOOOOOO!”
My boy has become a cuddler. And I couldn't be happier. I just wish he'd stop trying to do so with the neighborhood skunk. #DadLife #GetTheTomatoJuice
— KingOfTheGingers715 (@gingers715) February 5, 2018
12) You can see the child’s logic at work, and they have a point
A tough distinction to make to a 3 year old: Peeing outside is a glorious pro to being male while pooping in the backyard is a no-no. #parentinghacks #beingadad
— Doug Hardy (@Hardygains) January 30, 2018
13) Well then…
Jack: I love you daddy!
Me: Aww! That's so sweet!
Jack: I love melted cheese more.
Me: …Fair enough.#parenting #dadlife
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) February 6, 2018
14) I’m not sure if I’m mad or just impressed
When your kid learns to unzip his pajamas and put poop all over his crib and the wall …………… #kids #2 #dadlife #parent pic.twitter.com/bV323Pocaf
— Christopher smith (@smittysworld15) February 5, 2018
15) I’m not sure how those two are connected, but OK
Me "what's wrong baby?"
2yr old "my next hurts."
Me "your neck hurts?"
2yr old… strawberry pukes all over me. #1am #dadlife
— CoachFarrell017 (@CoachFarrell017) February 3, 2018
16) *Initiate telepathic behavioural control*
Anybody who really knows me knows… This is 99.999999999998% of my fatherhood style. ?? #DadLife #dadsbelike
Rp @obi_brown_kenobi https://t.co/NptBMXiaOB pic.twitter.com/y4XBWeIlB0— Xyenz Fyxion (@XyenzFyxion) January 30, 2018
17) We’ll take this in T-shirt, mug and fridge magnet form
Most serene part of the day! #Dadlife pic.twitter.com/dSVpn4K5iW
— Chris Dahlgaard (@chrisdahlgaard) January 30, 2018
18) How did it come to this?
My daughter just strong armed the fuck outta me.
Her: “Daddy I ate all my dinner and now I want jello”
Me: “We don’t have jello but we have ice pops”
Her: “If we don’t have jello then we won’t be friends anymore”
Me: *driving to the store* pic.twitter.com/nfRN3U0pgf
— Jeremey (@JeremeyIsJoking) January 30, 2018
19) It’s ok, you’re her hero
Yep that's about spot on ?? #BeingADad #ChangedMan #Fatherhood #DaddysGirl #BigSofty pic.twitter.com/uBV1BilYka
— mel gregory (@melgregory1) September 27, 2017
20) Perhaps the darkest of all #dadlife
Parenting ProTip: When your daughter starts dating, have your hole(s) dug ahead of time. A little pre-planning and foresight can save you from doing 25 to life.
You're Welcome. #SamuraiGang #DadLife #DWO pic.twitter.com/41g117RiL4— james northeimer (@JamesNortheimer) January 30, 2018
